Untappd’s “All American” Badge

I did it.

I finally earned Untappd’s “All-American” badge. Boy am I exhausted.

The “All American” badge is one of Untappd’s most deceptive badges; simple at first, but ultimately challenging. The simple lies in the badge’s description: “drink the popular American beers—Coors, Bud, Miller.” The challenge lies in that you must drink seven (7) beers to earn the badge, keeping in mind only three are named in the badge’s instructions—and the name of a fourth is only half given: “drink a special Platinum beer from Bud.” Thus, you are left to deduce exactly what you must drink.

Now, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to come up with a list of seven beers that might earn you the badge, but the names of the exact seven beers you must drink has led to a fair amount of on-line frustration, speculation and conjecture. The consensus in the sites I have read seems to be that there are more than seven beers that will qualify you for the badge. You just have to drink seven, in the right combination. For the record, here are the seven that did the trick for me:

  • Coors
  • Coors Light
  • Budweiser
  • Bud Light
  • Bud Light Platinum
  • Miller Lite
  • Miller High Life

This is all easy enough, but for a craft beer enthusiast like me, this is kind of like asking you to commit treason, or heresy, or go to the dark side. Bud Light Lime does NOT count, BTW.

There is also a fair amount of consensus (at least among the beer bloggers I read) that this badge was incredibly difficult to earn simply because the beer we were asked to drink was so bad. On that point, I must agree. Having read Maureen Ogle’s history of American beer Ambitious Brew, one would think that big American beer was the greatest beer on the planet. Reading about the rise and fall and resurrection of treasured American brands like Anheuser-Busch, Pabst, Coors, Miller, and so on, one tends to lionize these beers. My bad.

I had never actually tasted Coors, Coors Light, Budweiser, Bud Light, Platinum, or Miller High Life prior to attempting the badge. When my wife saw me drinking a Coors Light, she asked me if something was wrong. Seriously. I cut my beer teeth on Sam Adams, North Mountain Brewing’s CREEM Ale and other local brews. I had no idea these American beers were just not…tasty…at all. One blogger wrote that he pleaded with the app, “Please let this be the last one of these I have to drink.” Another poured a Miller Lite into a toilet and compared it to a toilet with urine. Yep. Identical.

Of the seven beers I drank for the badge, I rated Bud Light Platinum the highest on Untappd, at mere 2.75. It had a distinct, discernible “beer” flavor upon first taste and faded pretty quickly, but that’s more than I can say for the other six beers. I rated the Miller beers at 2.0 and the other four (two Buds, two Coors) lower than that. Just…not…good.

Well, back to badge hunting. I think I will grab a Mother Road Kolsch and finally earn my “Respect the Kolsch” badge.